What Happens When Jesus Speaks and the Heart Hears…
As someone who grew up outside of Chicago and then spending almost 20 years outside of Las Vegas, this new landscape of rural North Dakota we find ourselves in is a dramatic change. However, it’s in this quiet place that I’ve been challenged to listen. Voices never cease their talk, no matter where we find ourselves. Some voices are louder than others. I have learned in this strangely quiet place, our joy, our perspective, and our faith will be determined by which voices we listen to.
I work at a rural high school in the special education department. Daily I wake to the deep needs of students whom I have come to love. On my way to work, I often listen to music or a show I’ve been binging on Netflix to help this night owl wake up. But lately I’ve been compelled to turn off the noise and sit in the silence. As soon as I do, I find myself sighing and breathing deeply. It’s almost as if I’ve walked into a sanctuary right there in my car. As the miles pass, there’s a longing that begins. There’s the deep sense that God is near and with me. I begin to talk to my Savior. I’ve been walking with Jesus since my early teens. And though I have often been busy and neglectful of my own spiritual disciplines, I have always come back to Jesus in the quiet. As soon as I open my mouth, I am reminded by the Spirit that He has always been there and He is so near to me in those very ordinary moments, like driving to work. His presence is always a presence of love even when I feel the weight of my own brokenness. I’m always welcome though at times I feel ashamed. As I listen to the Spirit of Love in the quiet, I know those feelings are of my own creation, not His. He gently pushes back those experiences of condemnation until I am reminded again how precious I still am to Him.
One particular morning, I turned off the music and I began unloading my heart to Jesus. As I was, I began speaking words of praise. In all honesty, it was not because I was experiencing a sense of worship but because I knew I was supposed to begin my prayers with praise as I’ve always been taught. Then in that moment, I began speaking these words out loud as if Jesus were saying them to me…
“You come to Me in praise because you believe that’s the only way I will come to you. You believe that you need to say those words because that’s what I require of you. You believe that you need to appease Me for me to hear you. That I am distant from your heart. That I don’t know the very sorrows you are carrying.
Do you not know that I love you? That in this very ordinary and real moment I am here loving you? That I have always loved you? That those things you play over and over in your head – the regrets, the decisions you believe were wrong, the way you pick yourself apart – grieve Me because they cloud the love that I am pouring out on you right now? You will forever be welcome to me. My intent is right upon you at this moment. You do not need to do anything, be anything, say anything, or feel anything different. You are loved right now as you are. I have covered you in My grace. Just live in this day with My love and grace. That’s all you must do. You do not have to prove anything today – to Me, to others, to yourself. I am so glad that you have come to Me today.”
I cannot describe how real this experience with Jesus was to me. As I am writing these words, I am brought again to tears. That’s how much it seared my soul. He in His mysterious way, invaded my spirit with His Spirit and spoke the truth of His word to me, truth that I have learned over and over again and just needed to be reminded of. His Spirit cut through the false narratives I didn’t realize that I was living in. In those short few minutes it took me to get to work, Jesus met me and changed my entire way I moved into my day. In how I served my students, in how I collaborated and supported my coworkers, in how I loved my family.
I think of the men on the Emmaus Road after the death of Jesus. They were walking along, and another joins them. They speak of the crucifixion of Jesus. In their grief and confusion, they did not realize the Risen Savior was walking alongside of them. How often I have let the concerns of this world, the weariness of my spirit, the guilt of yesterday hide my eyes from seeing Jesus. But in this I find comfort – He will always come and reveal Himself to us once again. It will require us to stop, be still and just listen. He is never far away. He is nearer than a brother and always ready to receive us
This season of celebrating the Christ Child, may we turn off the noise and let the love of Jesus surprise and surround us in wonder once again.
O Come let us adore Him
Mary Quillin is a city-girl-turned-country-girl in her new life in North Dakota. She has been married to her hubby for 16 years and has 3 wonderfully, different kids who have begun their teen years (and she would appreciate all the prayers as possible on that note). After many years in full time ministry, Mary is learning how to show up and daily discover the journey of being available for whatever Jesus leads her to. She spends her days trying to build a welcoming shabby chic home in the heartland of North Dakota while learning to write and run.