Find Peace in the Chaos
I have been an overachiever for much of my life, and I learned at an early age how to take care of and rely on myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and wanted people to notice me for all the things I could do. Some days, I felt accomplished because of what I could achieve on my own, but most days I was exhausted from the need to control everything. As the years passed, the need for self-reliance and achievement became too much and controlled much of my life.
Things came to a head for me in my mid-twenties. I was burned out from years of trying to control everything in my life. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best mother, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and employee. Because of this self-induced pressure, I was on the brink of a mental breakdown, and knew if I didn’t get help, things were not going to end well. I began the search for a therapist who could help with not only my mental state, but also my spiritual state. This would be the second time I entered therapy and I knew I needed something more.
I soon found the perfect therapist. She had this incredibly calming demeanor and she seemed to truly care about me and my mental health. Our sessions began with me talking about my childhood and adolescent years. I shared with her my need to control everything, to appear perfect, and how these two things seemed to cause chaos in my relationships and home life. I told her I knew that my behavior caused me to put immense pressure on my son to be the best at everything he did, and to never make mistakes. It also made it difficult for me to show grace to my boyfriend when he made mistakes or didn't say the right thing. I knew all the things to tell her I was doing, but I didn’t know how to stop behaving this way.
As our sessions went on, she helped lead me back to the peace I needed. She reminded me that I do not have to do everything on my own, and in fact when I do, I am in conflict with what God wants me to do. She told me that God wants me to rely on Him, to trust Him, and to lay my burdens at His feet. She told me to make God the foundation of my life, and the peace He would bring would calm the chaos. This all seems so simple now, but back then, I had turned my back on God and thought I could do it all on my own.
After our sessions, I began to meditate on some of my favorite verses. I loved the reminder in John 3:16–God gave His one and only son for me, so I wouldn’t have to do life alone. My other favorites were Ephesians 6:10-18. What an incredible reminder that we are going to face the enemy during our life, but if we suit up in the armor of God, we will be ready for the battle. Part of the armor is fitting our feet “with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace” (Ephesians 6:15, NIV). Finding my way back to the gospel definitely brought me peace.
Today, when I am experiencing chaos in my life, I do a quick check-in with myself to determine if the chaos is happening because I am trying to control things. This check-in allows me to plant my feet firmly on the foundation of God and His Word, and to find peace in Him.
Stephanie Patterson is originally from Denver, Colorado, and has called Las Vegas home since 2013. She has been married to her incredibly supportive and patient husband, Gabriel, since 2008. Her blended family includes 3 children – 2 adult children living productively on their own (hallelujah!), and a spunky, creative pre-teen who keeps her on her toes. Stephanie became a mother at a young age, and in her late 30s, is finally figuring out who she is. What she has discovered about herself, thus far, is she loves to read, write, cook/bake, and nap. What she has always known is that her heart belongs to God, and she feels called to connect with people who need help seeing that God loves and accepts them as they are. Stephanie is looking forward to sharing her life experiences and hopes to connect with others through the grace and glory of God.