Meditate on His Truth
I stood in my kitchen clinging to my mug, trying to enjoy the flavor of my now cold coffee. My four children were gleefully running around the island. As I stood there watching them, it took every ounce of strength I had to not start crying. While my kitchen was full of the joyful music of children, my mind was filled with the harsh, loud voice of condemnation.
“It’s almost 11AM. Some homeschooling mom you are, look at them.”
“That email from the department head you contract services with wasn’t good.”
“Your house is a mess.”
“You haven’t sent in your blog submission. Doesn’t matter. No one cares what you have to say anyway.”
“You should have gone for a walk this morning, but instead, you laid in bed. You’ll never lose weight.”
In that moment, all I could think, hear, and focus on was how I felt like a failure in every area of my life. Every thought that came flying into my head like debris from a tornado was harsh, critical, loud, and damaging. This year, 2020, has been such a difficult year for all of us. It has been a year of forced pause, fear, turmoil, confusion, and anger. No one needs me to tell them that. All one has to do is look at the circumstances of their own life, turn on the news, or browse social media to see that the world is in a state of chaos.
That chaos has over flowed into my mind and heart as my family made swift and drastic transitions that we never thought we would in January. I went from working so much I felt like a horrible wife and mother to being home constantly and feeling like a horrible wife and mother. I went from having my kids in public school not having any idea what they were learning to choosing to homeschool and not having any idea what to teach them. I went from being overwhelmed with all the work I had in my business to being overwhelmed with all the work I have at home. Despite the big changes, the turmoil within myself is the same.
“You are what you do.”
When I find my identity in the roles that I have, I am going to find my worth in what I do. This has been a constant battle for me as I try to separate the things that I do from the worth that I have. I seem to always be in a constant state of trying to earn something: to earn love, respect, authority, peace, comfort, or the big one: acceptance. When I think or feel that I have not done enough to earn these things, the anxiety, fear, anger, regret, confusion, and condemnation will start swirling around my mind like the Tasmanian devil.
Maybe it’s just me, but maybe there is someone out there that can relate to a similar struggle.
The thing that I keep forgetting is that my worth does not come from what I do. My value and worth, or another way of saying it, my identity, comes from Jesus.
The Apostle Paul told the believers in Rome to “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV). We are transformed by changing the way we think. One of the major ways I can change the way is by focusing on God’s truth. Instead of focusing on my worth being in my to-do list for the various of roles I have (such as wife, mother, friend, daughter, business owner, counselor, teacher, and believer); I am working to train my brain in the truth of what the Bible says about me, because of what Jesus accomplished on the Cross of Calvary.
When I sit and meditate on His truth, I am reminded that these truths resonate in my soul. Jesus’ love for me and His view of me doesn’t change whether I have an Instagram Worthy Day or whether I am in a heap of tears on the floor that no one but Jesus Himself sees. My worth, value, and identity come from Him and His love for me. I need to focus on facts, not my feelings. I find these facts in His word.
Sweet sister and friend, I encourage you to meditate on our verse for this month, written out below. I also encourage you to look up some other verses, also listed, to see how His word can be a healing balm to your soul. Quiet the Chaos with His Love.
“For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
(Romans 8:38-39, AMP)
“I can’t figure it out.” I will direct your steps Proverbs 3:5-6
“I’m too tired.” I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28-30
“It’s impossible.” All things are possible. Luke 18:27
“Nobody Loves me.” I love you. John 3:16
“I can’t forgive myself.” I forgive you. Romans 8:1
“It’s not worth it.” It will be worth it. Romans 8:28
“I’m not smart enough.” I will give you wisdom. I Corinthians 1:30
“I’m not able.” I am able. II Corinthians 9:8
“I can’t go on.” My grace is sufficient II Corinthians 12:9
“I can’t do it.” You can do all things. Philippians 4:13
“I can’t manage.” I will supply all your needs Philippians 4:19
“I’m afraid.” I have not given you fear. II Timothy 1:7
“I feel all alone.” I will never leave you. Hebrews 13:5
Megan Sinisi absolutely adores a good cup of coffee, chocolate, and sitting with people to share life stories. She is a native to Las Vegas, born and raised, and has four beautiful children with her handsome husband, Vincenzo. She is a counselor, specializing in the field of addictions, with multiple certifications, both in Nevada and nationally. She directed Nevada’s largest treatment court and has been building her private practice since 2014, acquiring contracts with the City of Las Vegas, City of Henderson, Clark County Special Defender’s Office, and Zappos.com. It is because of her own journey of healing and through her career that she has learned the wounds we have can begin to be healed as we share our stories. She considers it an honor when someone shares their story with her, and hopes that as she shares her stories of victory and healing that others can be inspired, encouraged, and challenged. Megan has a love and fervor for writing and is walking in faith that God is calling her to use that passion and gift for His glory. She is someone who is known for her honesty and transparency that brings light to difficult situations and feelings, and offers hope and encouragement for the journey of life. It is her hope that by sharing her journey, it encourages, challenges, inspires, comforts, and most importantly, shines the light of Jesus and the reality of His love, grace, and mercy. You can find more from Megan at www.meganjsinisi.com And @meganjsinisi on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.