You Belong
Imagine yourself as Eve in the Garden of Eden. You’re walking around, completely at peace, you don’t have to worry about what you’re going to wear, you’ve got a hot husband, and you’re in the presence of God! Amazing, right? Now, imagine yourself as Eve as she and Adam realize the mistake they’ve made by eating from the tree.
Genesis 3:8-10 (NLT) says, “When the cool evening breezes were blowing, and the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So, they hid from the Lord God among the trees. The Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” At this moment, something came into existence that had never existed before – SHAME.
Dr. Brene Brown has done some amazing research on shame and she defines it like this:
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.” Shame goes beyond guilt. Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive while shame’s is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.”
For years, shame was a very prominent feature in my life and I’ve spent a lot of emotional energy carrying it around. I was always a shy kid. My mom tells a story about a time when I was just a toddler and, in a playpen with a bunch of other babies, I wouldn’t let anyone touch me. Fast forward to first grade and I’m getting pulled out of classes for “testing” because the teachers are convinced that I have a learning disability (I didn’t). You can imagine how that eroded my courage! In high school and college, I was so shy that you could probably make a case that I had social anxiety, although I would never talk to anyone about how I struggled. I lost 15 pounds my freshman year of college because I was too self-conscious and ashamed to eat by myself in the cafeteria. All of this led to a pervasive feeling that I just simply didn’t belong. I wasn’t good enough. Don’t get me wrong – I had huge blessings during these years as well, including meeting Jesus when I was 17. I’ll be honest though, even the great stuff got overshadowed by that nagging thought. I continued to carry that heavy weight.
My view of God was one of an accountant in the sky that was tallying up all the good things and bad things I had done and was just waiting to mark down the next time I screwed up. All of this was driven by my shame!
As I grew up, I knew that I couldn’t go through my adult life carrying this weight. A few years ago, I was in Portland for a dear childhood friend’s wedding. After her bridal shower the day before the wedding, I drove her back to her rental house and was blessed with some one-on-one time in the midst of wedding craziness. I knew that her family was coming over later so in the back of my mind, I was planning on vacating before they arrived, so she could have some quality time with her sisters, parents, etc. We were having such a great conversation that before I knew it, her family was pulling up the drive. Everyone poured in and it was hugs and laughter all around. And at that moment I was hit with my same old narrative –
“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE, this isn’t your family. They are probably wondering why you’re here. They were looking forward to family time and here you are – the outsider.”
As the evening went on, the voice got louder but I couldn’t find an exit point that didn’t feel completely awkward. I could feel myself shutting down and returning to the same patterns that had plagued me for a good portion of my life. At that point, I had a choice. Either wallow in this narrative as I would have done years ago or do something different and break the secrecy that is so often a companion of shame. I approached the bride’s older sister, who is also a great friend of mine. I said, “hey, I really didn’t mean to crash your family time tonight. I can go before dinner is served so you can enjoy each other’s company.” Her response was, “Oh my gosh! No, stay! You are a part of our family.” I spent the rest of the evening at ease that I did, in fact, belong there and I was worthy of spending time with them.
Friends, this is exactly what Jesus says to us. When we say yes to him, we become part of the family and nothing can ever separate us from that.
Romans 8:1 (NLT) says, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Here’s what I love about the rest of that story about Adam and Eve. After God held them accountable for their sin, HE MADE THEM CLOTHES TO WEAR. These are people that caused the downfall of the world and God still took care of them. His grace knows no limits. Though our heart may condemn us, in Christ, there is no condemnation. Though Satan tempts us to despair, in Christ, there is no condemnation. Though people around us may judge, isolate and reject us, in Christ, there is no condemnation.
Romans 8:1 provides us with much hope in these moments in life, and this is why we can sing:
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
Erin is a speaker and leadership development professional who has been in the learning and development field for over 12 years. She has a unique ability to engage with her audience and create learning experiences that inspire change and action. She is poised, articulate and delivers her message with passion.
Erin feels that God has called her to use her professional skills to further His kingdom. She is passionate about helping people develop skills and knowledge that will empower them to answer Jesus’ call in their lives and understand how they are uniquely wired to respond to His leading. See Erin's other writings at: www.erhspeaks.com