Wrestling and Weeping
Who doesn’t love a good meme? The beauty of memes is that it can help show others how I am feeling during a conversation, since most conversations happen via text these days. My favorite meme is the one with the woman crying, while eating ice cream. I genuinely feel my soul is connected to this meme to give a visual description of me, processing what has happened in my life and the world, these past two years. When someone asks how I am doing, I usually send that meme.
From an unprecedented pandemic, my family being ripped apart because of different viewpoints, a cancer diagnosis, caring for my grandmother and her serious ailments that have happened recently, homeschooling four children, trying to run a business, and attempting to maintain a healthy marriage and friendships, pass me the ice cream container and tissue box please.
There is a story in the book of John that is a very familiar story in the Bible: the story of Lazarus (John 11:1-46). In summary, Jesus is traveling doing His ministry. He receives the news that His good friend, Lazarus, is sick and Jesus is requested to come see him. Jesus loved Lazarus and his family. But He didn’t come when He received the message. In fact, he stayed two days longer where He was.
Have you ever felt like Jesus delayed your request? You sent Him a meme displaying your situation, and yet, there was no response? Not even the bubbles that could mean He’s at least thinking of a response?
There was controversy with the disciples in Jesus returning to Judea, where Lazarus lived. The last time He was there, the Jews wanted to stone Him to death. But Jesus pressed and they returned. But once there, they discovered Lazarus had been dead for four days. ::insert crying meme here::
There are conversations that happen between Lazarus’ sisters, Martha and Mary, and Jesus. Both of them confronted Jesus directly, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:21 NASB)
Have you ever wanted to confront God with the difficult question of, “If You had ________, then _______ wouldn’t have happened!” ?
After speaking with both of them, Jesus sees Mary weeping. The text says: “He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled,” and He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” (John 11:33b-34 NASB). Then, one of the most powerful verses in the Bible: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35 NASB)
It is this exchange that I am reminded that Jesus truly fulfills one of His names: Immanuel, meaning “God with us.” When I think about Jesus having emotions and weeping, it reinforces to me that He understands when I am expressing my emotions and weeping. When I am feeling overwhelmed and maybe imitating the woman crying while eating ice cream, He is with me. Something we all do is wrestle with the why. And what I find most powerful is that in my wrestling and weeping with the whys in life, I am actually imitating Jesus, not just the crying woman eating ice cream.
::insert mind blown meme here::
To think my wrestling and weeping means I am imitating Jesus gives me permission to feel my feelings, and not experience guilt about my emotions, questions, or even my confrontations. The sisters confronted Jesus. Not in a disrespectful way, but in the depth of their emotion, confusion, and trying to understand why their brother died. He didn’t rebuke them in any way. Wrestling and weeping with Jesus gives me the opportunity to experience first hand His grace and love. My wrestling and weeping doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith or that I’m not growing in my walk with Jesus. Mary wasn’t afraid to show Jesus her tears or the source of her pain: her brother’s tomb. Lazarus’ tomb represented the pain in Mary and Martha’s hearts as they had lost their brother. Because Mary was raw with Jesus, He was able to express His emotion. He connected with them on a human level, in the midst of their suffering. He showed them that having emotion isn’t something to hide. Sitting with someone in their pain can be extremely difficult. I often want to fix their hurting hearts. Sitting in the midst of my own pain is difficult, because I want to fix my own hurting heart. But that is something I am unable to do. However, Jesus gives me an excellent example to imitate for both occasions here.
Being real and raw with Jesus may look like me coming to Him with my ice cream container and tissue box, saying, “Do you know what news I received today?” ::sob:: “Did you see what happened today?” ::sniffle:: “Do you know how much those words hurt?” ::gobble:: “I’m so sad and scared.” ::blowing nose:: I am showing Jesus the source of my pain and He wrestles and weeps with me. He whispers to my soul, “I know. I did see what happened. I know it hurts. I know you’re sad and scared. I’ve been there too. I’m here with you now.”
My emotions, tears, and even eating ice cream while I’m wrestling and weeping doesn’t mean I am failing to imitate Jesus. He connected with humanity and His beloved friends through wrestling and weeping then, and He does it now. If I come to Him, show Him the source of my pain, He can relate to me, comfort me, and weep with me. And it is in those moments He shows me I am walking this faith road in His footsteps by being like Him.
Megan Sinisi absolutely adores a good cup of coffee, chocolate, and sitting with people to share life stories. She is a native to Las Vegas, born and raised, and has four beautiful children with her handsome husband, Vincenzo. She is a counselor, specializing in the field of addictions, with multiple certifications, both in Nevada and nationally. She directed Nevada’s largest treatment court and has been building her private practice since 2014, acquiring contracts with the City of Las Vegas, City of Henderson, Clark County Special Defender’s Office, and Zappos.com. It is because of her own journey of healing and through her career that she has learned the wounds we have can begin to be healed as we share our stories. She considers it an honor when someone shares their story with her, and hopes that as she shares her stories of victory and healing that others can be inspired, encouraged, and challenged. Megan has a love and fervor for writing and is walking in faith that God is calling her to use that passion and gift for His glory. She is someone who is known for her honesty and transparency that brings light to difficult situations and feelings, and offers hope and encouragement for the journey of life. It is her hope that by sharing her journey, it encourages, challenges, inspires, comforts, and most importantly, shines the light of Jesus and the reality of His love, grace, and mercy. You can find more from Megan at www.meganjsinisi.com And @meganjsinisi on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.